Cow burps et al

Cow Burps (c) The Hindu 2014What is the connection between cows in the pampas and polar bears with no ice to stand on? Jersey Cow raises some points.

Dear Aristotle,

I am most happy to say that my mind now is clear. I am not confused any more.

I am not sure why — but the black mambas remind me of mambo and rumba, both high-energy dances of South America. That reminds me of llamas, which in turn brings to mind the pampas or grasslands of that continent, though llamas do not live in grasslands but in high mountains. Nevertheless, there is a compelling connection, isn’t there?

Picking up my trail of thoughts, I wish to debate this point with man — Are cows in the pampas really responsible for polar bears having no ice to stand on?

Come on, even I can tell that doesn’t make much sense! Or does it? Oh dear,

I am not completely cured it seems. A burp in Buenos Aires brings a battering storm to Bangladesh or melts the ice in the Arctic? Quite possible; if a butterfly can do something like that why can’t many millions of cattle, sheep and goats? However, we must debate this point!

As I was saying… or rather, as I was going to say, umm, that ruminants or cud-chewers are not at fault for generating many million litres of natural gas every day. What can we do? Man gives us corn and soya beans to eat! Real windy stuff. The bacteria in our four-chambered stomachs, which help us to digest food, are the real gas producers. We just emit them. Otherwise, we would just take off like helium balloons or worse, explode.

Cowed but not down

Of course, in both scenarios, man cannot milk us for milk. We also give him butter, cheese, yogurt and ice-cream. I mean not directly — you can’t butter a cow to get butter. I think I have lost my way here, but you get the point, don’t you?

As for the methane, scientists (mind you they are all humans, so whose side will they be on?) say that one third of methane generated each year is from cow burps; and the rest from fossil fuel extraction, landfills, marshes / wetlands, rotting plant and animal matter and volcanoes. Why pick only on us?

Isn’t anything “green” supposed to be good? Man too has my problem of getting confused) as a cow, why make a car? Keep a cow instead!

My slogan solutions to convince you —

Add garlic to cattle feed.

Build igloos for polar bears if icebergs are melting.

If all whales were brought ashore, sea levels would drop, won’t they?

Go bullock-carting!

Own a General Moo-ter!

Go the Bovine Mobile Way!

Jersey Cow

Reply from Aristotle

Hi Mrs. Cow,

I have picked your letter to be the most brilliant of all those that I have received. It reflects your high IQ, both in logic and reasoning. Use your high mental powers to solve this simple math puzzle.

Find the missing five per cent!

If a cow generates 100 litres of methane a day, 95 litres are released through burps. What happens to the remaining five litres?

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